


i don't care if you're not sorry, 'cause i forgive you

by aphwhales



Series: hate for the island [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Borderline Personality Disorder, Eating Disorders, Fat Shaming, Humanstuck, Self-Hatred, inpatient treatment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 10:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12252144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphwhales/pseuds/aphwhales
Summary: August 2015:Your name is Feferi Peixes, and you are fat now, and it’s all his fault.Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you can’t believe they pushed you this far.Your name is Chrissy Peixes, and your daughter still won’t eat.Your name is Vriska Serket, and you don’t know why your idiot brother is blaming you for his dumb issues.Your name is Cronus Ampora, Sr., and you need to have a serious talk with your daughter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i have no first hand experiences with eating disorders
> 
> title is from cough it out by the front bottoms

**August 4 2015**

Your name is Feferi Peixes, and you are fat. 

Not the cute kind of fat, either. The kind of fat where your arms and legs jiggle every time you move, like some sort of grotesque jello made of flesh. You hate it. 

Of course, this is imperceptible to anyone, except maybe Meenah and Eridan.  
It’s all his fault that you’re sitting at this table, glaring at the small, small amount of corn your mother has put in front of you, while she taps her nails against the wooden surface. 

You wonder if Eridan has it any easier than you. You highly doubt it. In all likelihood, they had to force feed him.   
It’s his fault you're sitting here anyway, and his fault your mom even knows about this. 

Whatever this is. The doctor said it was anorexia, and that you’re underweight and need to gain more. You know that she’s wrong. You’re fat. 

“Fef,” your mother begins. You glare at her and hate hate hate how easily tears pool in your eyes. 

She sighs, and closes her eyes, “Feferi, you need to eat something.” 

“I can’t.” You grumble. “I told you, I’ll just get fatter again.” 

Your mother just raises an eyebrow. “Who says?”

You shrug dejectedly. You don’t have an answer. You brought this on yourself. And on Eridan, if you really feel bad about yourself, because it really is partly your fault. 

You used to squeeze the fat on his belly and giggle about how soft it was, even when he looked uncomfortable.   
And that’s when Vriska really, really made him worse for wear, joining in with you. 

When you don’t want to admit your blame (because you started this first, not eating lunch and telling him you were trying to lose weight), you blame Vriska.   
She’s done more on purpose than you have, anyways.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eridan's chapter takes place before feferi's, but on the same day

**August 4 2015**

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you never want to see your sister or your (ex) best friend again, ever.

You just kind of want to go home, but that’s going to take awhile, considering you’re being transferred from the emergency psych ward at Stony Brook to some shitty rehab place.

You sigh and look out the window. Your father sits in the front, looking angry and listening to rock and roll. You’re still wearing hospital scrubs, and you’re freezing. 

You squeeze your stomach through the shirt. You never did get any thinner, not really, but you mostly showed symptoms of bulimia. In the end though, they diagnosed you with EDNOS. An eating disorder not otherwise specified. A fancy way for saying that you didn’t starve yourself enough to be anorexic, but you didn’t purge enough to be bulimic. 

“Quit that, Danny,” Your father grunts from the front seat. He shifts a bit, and glances back at you in the rear view mirror. “Who even made ya think you were fat anyway?”

You decide, maybe you should tell him. If you’re bad, Fef’s worse.”Fef. She said she was on a diet, back in January. And she’s thinner than me.” And there was that one time Vriska walked in on you purging and asked why you were even bothering, because it wouldn’t help anyway, so you add, “And Vriska.” 

You refuse to talk anymore throughout the trip, but you continue squeezing your stomach and your thighs even after you father tells you to stop.


	3. Chapter 3

**August 5 2015**

Your name is Chrissy Peixes, and it’s been a day since Cronus called you. 

Feferi is still not eating, and you are worried. 

Meenah looks at you uneasily from the recliner. “Mom..?” 

You glance at Meenah, and then back at Feferi. Your younger daughter is still staring defiantly at the corn the doctor suggest you started off with. 

“I don’t know, Meenah.” You huff. “She’s never been as rebellious as you.” 

Meenah snorts, and then says quietly, “Vriska told me that her dad thinks it’s partially her fault.”

You really aren’t surprised. Cronus’s younger daughter takes after her bitch of a mother. Then again, Meenah takes after you, and that’s just as bad, you suppose. 

“Feferi,” You call finally. “If you don’t eat three spoonfuls of that corn within the next hour, we’re goin’ to the hospital.” 

Feferi glances at you, and you catch her terrified expression.She’d probably have a harder time with inpatient treatment than Eridan, and Eridan had to be force fed this morning, Cronus told you. 

She reluctantly picks up her spoon, and you can hear it clinking intermittently, louder than her slow chewing.


	4. Chapter 4

**August 5 2015**

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you don’t know why everyone’s always pissed at you. Always!!!!!!!! It doesn’t make sense. 

Your mother has just told you that your dad is coming over to talk to you tomorrow. Your sister has just told you that the reason is because your half-brother was hospitalized for an eating disorder yesterday and he blames you. 

He’s always blaming you for his problems. Blames you when he blows up over something, and when he gets irritable and snappy and anxious. He’d probably blame his entire borderline personality shit on you if he could. 

You will admit, you goaded him into it sometimes. Walked in on him purging once and asked him if it was Feferi he was trying to make himself skinny for, and not to worry if it was, because she’s twice his weight. Called him dramatic and chubby, and hell, so did Feferi, but he’d never get mad at her over it. 

You must be mumbling to yourself again, because Aranea has just told you that Eridan is refusing to talk to Feferi over the phone, according to Meenah. 

You’re vaguely dreading this whole conversation with your dad, but it’s not like you can ignore him. He’s worse than your half brothers, in that way.


	5. Chapter 5

**August 6 2015**

Your name is Cronus Ampora, Sr., and if your daughter isn’t home you’re going to break something.

You couldn’t pry anything out of Eridan after he told you about Feferi, and only mentioned Vriska, so really, you’re here to question her. 

Aranea opens the door when you knock on it. You miss her a bit. She liked to listen to your stories, like Eridan does. “Hi, Cronus.”

“Hey, kiddo. Vriska here?” 

“Upstairs,” she replies and moves to let you in. You give a half-hearted wave to her friend on the ratty couch, and stomp up the stairs to your daughter’s room. 

Vriska’s door is open, and her room is a goddamned mess. Worse than your older son’s room, probably. You don’t bother knocking, just stand there with what her wench of a mother calls your Stern Pirate Man face until she notices you. 

She glances up from her book, does a small double take, and grins smugly. “Hey, dad.” 

You launch into it. “Eridan had a bit of a funny story about you.” 

Vriska sighs dramatically, closes her book, and hangs her head. Then, she rolls onto her side and sits up. “I don’t know what he’s talking about. I keep telling you, he’d blame his entire personality disorder on me if he could.”

“Vriska.” You’re stern. Charlotte used to tell you that was your only useful parenting tactic. 

“Fine.” Vriska huffs and swings her legs over the side of the bed, completely facing you now. “I walked in on him puking once or twice, and I maaaybe goaded him into it.” She frowns and sniffs a bit. ‘Why do you care anyway?”

You level her with what you hope is a steely gaze. “Don’t, Vriska. I just watched a nurse force him to eat because you never tried to stop him, or tell me. God, you got all of your mother’s sadism.”

She grins at you. You slam her door, and walk out of the house.   
Later, Aranea tells your older son that Vriska screamed and punched walls all day, but later claimed to her that she preferred negative attention, because it was so easy to get. Her sore throat and bruised knuckles said otherwise, however.


End file.
